Have technology, will travel

The modern marvels of travel these days are nice. I have no idea how people survived previously. They must have talked to each other or something.

This past weekend (Thursday to Monday) we made a 2,000 mile round trip to Florida and back in our little Mazda. (Zoom Zoom Zoom) I was a bit anxious about the trip, given the age of our children (well, mainly Nico) and the distance and time involved. Heck, I wasn't particularly excited to drive that far either. But given that the alternative was to fork over $1,500 to an airline, plus rent a car on the other end...the decision wasn't that difficult to make.

Now, in the "old days" (i.e., when my wife and I were kids), things were a lot different. Her family's trips often involved kids playing games together, talking, co-operation dollars, family sing-alongs, and driving while the children slept. My own experiences were different as a kid (having only one sibling, and not making too many long drives). My options were talk, sleep, or look longingly out the window.

Given our love for sleep, we ruled out driving at night. And given the current laws governing safety belt usage, it's not like we could just let them play together in the back. Thanks to an assortment of technological devices, we were able to keep everyone mostly happy:

The Portable DVD Player:

We're fortunate to have two of these (one was a gift) so each of the boys could use them. We packed 10 DVDs, and let the kids pick. Nico chose to watch "The Incredibles" three times during the trip, but that's ok.

The Nintendo DS (Dual-Screen):

Thurman mostly chose to play his portable Nintendo when he could. His current favorite games are Mario Cart DS and Super Mario Brothers. We expect him to learn other aspects of Italian culture later. Given the ethnic culture in Hoboken, that shouldn't be difficult. Just as long as he doesn't join the Mob.

The iPod:

I've been reading the Harry Potter series with Thurman, sometimes getting through a half-a-chapter a night before bed. So, we thought it'd be good to get the audio version to listen to during "breaks" from the DVDs/Nintendo. We got quite a ways into Book 5. Thurman does seem to prefer me reading it to him (which makes me feel a little loved) opposed to the audio version. However, Carma got hooked on it and will listen to the rest on her commute. (I must add that I love the audio version, Jim Dale does such a fantastic job with all the voices.)

The iPhone:

I'm going to try to not make this sound like a gushing love-fest commercial for the iPhone, but it will be difficult. So perhaps I will just list all the different things we used our iPhones for on the trip (while in the car):

• To check email, and respond to emails (very critical for Carma at the time)
• To locate a hotel, call to make a reservation, and then get directions to the hotel (twice)
• To find an Ihop (iHop?) near our hotel
• To check the weather for different towns/days
• To estimate where we would be when we ran out of gas, or where we should stop next
• To see if we could find ourselves. "Yep, here we are, on I-95 just north of Billy-Bobsville."
• To find a better detour
• To read other people's blogs and check other websites/news/sports
• To find a Pizza Hut/Godfather's Pizza nearby
• To listen to music
• To text and/or call people
• To find a lost pacifier in the back seat (as a light source)

So, we made it. 2,000 miles there and back again. Only to find at home, technology had completely failed us. Our elevator was broken.

Good fortune?

Not too long ago, I had Chinese food. Invariably, with Chinese food comes on of my personal favorites, the fortune cookie. I like the cookies, and am too easily amused by the fortunes within. This time, mine read:

"Your success will astonish everyone."

Now...is that good?

My reactions (in chronological order):

• "What? Is everyone expecting me to fail?"
• "Why will everyone be so surprised by my success?"
• "Am I an overachiever?"
• "Well, at least I'm successful. And I do like surprising people."
• "Is there another cookie?"

Cartoon Bonding

"Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.” -Plato

"One of the best things in the world to be is a boy; it requires no experience, but needs some practice to be a good one.” -Charles Dudley Warner


I love being a Dad who has sons. If nothing else, it sometimes lets me be a boy again. Seriously though, who else is better prepared to play cars, Legos, army men, video games, and watch cartoons? I have decades of experience at this. Also, it is one of the few areas that my wife struggles with. So, it is a role I do relish.

With the enormity of choice in the cartoon world, it is not always easy to choose what to watch. This is true if you are 2, 7, or 34. We do have a staple of favorites in our household, but I'm sure they will continue to change. When Thurman was young, he gravitated toward Bob the Builder and Blue's Clues, with a little Thomas the Tank Engine thrown in. Later, he started to like Arthur, Go Diego Go, and Oswald. Nico, however, will pretty much watch what Thurman watches, though his current favorites are Curious George and Blue's Clues.

Actually, before going further, I do want to comment a bit on Curious George. Honestly, this is a really good (and funny) cartoon. William H. Macy is the "narrator/commentator" voice (at least for the first season), which adds a whole new dimension to the show. Once in awhile, he'll make a comment that will put me (or my wife) in stitches. Taken out of context, the examples probably aren't going to be as funny, but I'll post a couple anyway (perhaps I'll come back and add a few later):

• "There are some things a dog just can't explain to a monkey."
• "Sometimes, monkeys and girls think alike."
• "It was just one of those days when nobody needed a monkey's help."

Anyway, George is a favorite in our home.

The rest of the favorites all fall into the superhero sub-category. Right now the boys are enjoying a steady diet of Superman: The Animated Series. Previously, Thurman and I (and occasionally Nico) watched the Justice League (Seasons 1 & 2) and enjoyed it a lot. We also dabble in Batman: The Animated Series (which I remember watching while in college), and occaisionally The Batman. Heck, Thurman's even watched quite a few Superfriends episodes from the 70's. So, there's clearly no shortage of superhero action at our home. I might have to look into getting some of the X-Men cartoons from the mid-90's as well, as we seem to be a bit heavy on DC and light on Marvel.

(Sidebar: When I was a kid, the major cartoons I remembered watching were G.I. Joe, Transformers, He-Man, Rocky & Bullwinkle, an obscure one called Galaxy Rangers, Inspector Gadget, Danger Mouse, and probably a few others I can't remember.)

Now, an issue I think my wife has with the superhero cartoons is that they are too violent. In some ways I agree, as really the only conflict that occurs for superheros involves someone doing something bad, and the superhero forcibly stopping them. My soon-to-be-three-year-old always likes to play "beat up the bad guy" or "shoot the daddy." Our older son never really showed that much interest in blowing things up or shooting things until he was older (which I ascribe as the natural course of boyhood, while my wife does not). I think Nico would be doing these things regardless of the cartoons, he just seems to be one of those kids that is attracted to physical (if sometimes violent) play. He loves to wrestle and grapple and tackle. He always wants to be held. He's always running and crashing into things or people. The kid seems to have two speeds: Hyper-Overdrive and Asleep.

Now, it is my hope that superhero cartoons can do more good than harm. In them, they see people in conflict, yes. But they also see people standing for what is right. Trying to do their best. Taking responsibility. And ultimately, achieving their goals and being successful after working hard to achieve them. Plus, as an added bonus, it gives us a common ground to discuss things and have reference points. That, and it lets me put off my own adulthood for 22 minutes or so.

"Some parents say it is toy guns that make boys warlike. But give a boy a rubber duck and he will seize its neck like the butt of a pistol and shout "Bang!"” -George F. Will

"There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure” -Mark Twain

The Hearts of the Fathers

“And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4:6

Yesterday while at work, I received the news that my father had passed away. It had not been unexpected, but the news still had quite an impact on me. Not long after my family and I visited him for Thanksgiving (2006), he was diagnosed with brain cancer. His previous tumors had been removed, but were non-malignant. What spawned afterwards was a fast-growing, malignant cancer.

I was able to visit twice more. I went for a surprise visit for his birthday last March, and again for Father's Day last June. Both times I saw him, he was seemingly still doing fine, though his motor skills were in decline. I kept in contact with him and my step-mother, and from her got the updates of his rapidly declining condition. Throughout, he was slowly losing his memory, his personality, his cognitive skills, his ability to walk, and eventually could not feed himself, or talk.

Late last summer I changed jobs, making it near impossible to visit since I had extremely limited time off. With his deteriorating condition, I knew that if I didn't visit again soon, I might not have the opportunity to do so. However, I ended up making a conscious choice not to visit. If nothing else, I have very few and precious memories of spending time with my father. I didn't want to have those memories completely overshadowed by new memories of him bed-ridden, non-coherent, and not at all himself. Is that selfish of me? To want to preserve in my own mind a better image of a father I had barely known? Perhaps it was. But I hope now that it was still the right decision.

The real feeling of loss I have is that I should have made an effort to be in contact with him and his family sooner. I don't know how I would have done that, but I probably would have been able to find a way. We could have shared more, I could have gotten to know everyone better. They would know my children better. But I didn't do anything. My fear of further rejection kept me idle. It was easy to be indifferent when I didn't know anything. Now that was the selfish act, which I regret very much.

I've done many things in my life that I do regret, but often keep in mind the caveat- "well, if I didn't do them, would I still be here?" Granted, maybe the time wasn't right for our meeting beforehand. Maybe things would have not gone so well. I guess I should not bemoan the things I cannot change, and focus on what I am grateful for.

I am grateful that I did get to know him, brief however it was.
I'm glad he got to at least see his grandsons.
I'm glad I have ties with the rest of the family, so that those relationships will continue and grow.
I'm glad that he was happy to see me when I did visit. There's nothing quite like the joy of a father's approval.

Which for me, needs to be the ultimate lesson here. I need to be grateful for every day I have with my own sons. Make certain they know I love them, and that they know I am proud of them.

Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo

Well, I guess those are two things I haven't been doing. I can't even remember what song it's from, or who sang it. The Statler Brothers? Maybe?

Well, I'd apologize for not writing, but I doubt anyone's reading. I should write more often, if nothing else, just to purge my mind of the excess drivel that lives there.

One of the things I want to write about is just an expression of thanks in general to no one in particular for my wife. If nothing else, to serve as a reminder to myself how lucky I am to have her.

She really epitomizes the "Super Woman". She works hard at her job, and does incredibly well at it. Yet, she also works hard at home, giving so much to all of us. Spending time with the boys, doing household chores, finances, and really always seems to hold our little family together. The boys revere her in a way that I'm often jealous of. I'm just the goofy dad who sometimes turns disciplinarian. But the boys love her in a way that is so deep, so profound, so...completely. I guess that's the way I feel about her too.

Often I feel like the second rate parent in the house, but I really try not to let that bother me too much. I know I try hard to be a good dad. She makes it look effortless at times, even though I know it isn't. She's so amazingly selfless. I have a hard time suppressing my own selfish urges, whether it's just some time for myself, wanting to read or watch TV instead of doing things I know I should (like washing the dishes, cleaning the turtle tank, or whatever).

But I'm not here to list all my own faults. I'm just trying to express my own sense of awe, and humble thanks. She is the love of my life, and I'm just fortunate to be loved by her as well.