An Extended Family

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, I was able to do something that I never thought I would be able to do. I got to visit the family I had never really known.

My parents separated when I was three, and contact with my father pretty much ended when I was eight. Needless to say, I essentially grew up without having a father.

The only thing I had known about his family was from a high school graduation card I received with some pictures that showed his four daughters. Being 18, I was much too self-involved (and stupid, of course) to think about them, or even to try to maintain any type of contact. So, in retrospect, the last 15 years of not knowing them is mostly my own fault.

Fast forward to last spring, I received an unlikely email from an aunt on that side that I hadn't heard from or seen in 20 years or so. We were able to catch up some, and she was able to fill me in on the family that I'd wondered about. And I learned a lot. My father had survived a pair of surgeries to remove a brain cancer. My sisters were pretty much all grown up. And most of all, I learned that I wished I hadn't been so dumb and self-centered all those years ago. I learned that I wanted to get to know the rest of my family.

My aunt gave me the contact information I needed and had lacked for many years. I was relieved to find once I got in contact that they wanted to know about me too.

Well, we had a lot to catch up on, and still do. But there's only so much you can accomplish via the phone and email and pictures. So, we (my wife, children, and I) arranged and planned to visit the Lincoln family over Thanksgiving. We are very glad that we did.

I have to admit I was nervous. Thankfully, we had previously had the opportunity to meet two of my sisters on separate occasions, so it gave my wife and I some familiarity to start off. In the end, I decided that I really just needed to do what felt natural, and to be myself, and I would be ok.

Well, the visit went splendidly. It was good to get to sit down and hang out with everyone, and get to talk individually to my family members. And again, I learned a lot. In many ways, things were oddly familiar in ways that are difficult to put my finger on. But both Carma and I noted that I share some of my father's mannerisms, tastes, and even the constant desire to make a joke or play on words. As a group, we all played Balderdash, and had a grand time competing, being funny, creative, and amusing each other in general. And it felt completely natural.

Equally pleasing was seeing my sons interact with everyone. All my sisters were natural aunties, and Thurman delighted in playing with the respective husbands/boyfriend as well. Also a hit with the boys was the 3-year-old land tortoise, Neba, who roams the backyard and eats anything nearby.

I can't express enough thanks to everyone for making us feel so welcome. It was really a memorable time, and a great step in getting to know my family better. I don't know when we'll be able to visit again, but I know we will.